


Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby

by HannahBoBannah



Category: Mad Men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 01:15:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13602489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HannahBoBannah/pseuds/HannahBoBannah
Summary: To anyone that asked, she would tell them that she made the decision to give up her child; but this simply wasn’t true.





	Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby

To anyone that asked, she would tell them that she made the decision to give up her child; but this simply wasn’t true. She was twenty-one and a freshly promoted copywriter when her whole life changed. For months she had been packing on the pounds, but every month she would also get her period and there was no indication that she could be pregnant. It wasn’t denial like the Doctor’s alleged, and it certainly wasn’t embarrassment like her mother and sister believed. Peggy truly didn’t realise what was happening to her body, but nobody would believe her. 

His birth was traumatic, and she had never experienced such pain in her life. With her family living in Brooklyn, they weren’t able to be with her until after he was already born, and this meant that she was all alone as the nurse held back her knees and the doctor aided her tiny son into the world. They placed his small, slimy body onto her chest and seeing him for the first time was much too surreal. She hadn’t even known that he existed until half an hour earlier and seeing him for the first time made her heart race with fear.  
The tiny boy’s cries lulled to a stop as his skin touched hers, but as his tears dried against his skin, her own began to fall. This was all too much for her to comprehend and her mind raced to find an explanation for how he had come into this world. As the nurse picked up her son and carried him to the opposite side of the room to clean his wet skin, Peggy turned her attention to her already flatter stomach. It was her job that made this happen. If she hadn’t walked into Sterling Cooper nine months ago she never would have met Pete and he never would have knocked on her door late that evening. She should have been apprehensive, just like her roommate, but the lust in his eyes made her feel something she had never felt before; the way he looked at her made her feel beautiful and wanted, and as his hand reached up her nightgown and pulled at her panties, she couldn’t help but let him. Joan had put these ideas in her head that if she continued to be the meek, naïve girl her mother had raised her to be than she would get nowhere in life. She made her believe that she had to be someone else entirely if she wanted to succeed in the business of persuasion, but when Pete’s lips first met hers she knew that it was wrong. He would be married to someone else in the morning, but his hands were on her, and before long he was thrusting deep inside of her and there was no turning back. But to say she didn’t want it would be a lie.

As the nurse wrapped her son in a fluffy blue blanket, Peggy felt herself falling into a much-needed sleep, and when she opened her eyes there he was. Don sat beside her, his hat on his knee and a stoic look on his face. He made her promise that this wouldn’t stop her from working hard to be the woman she deserved to be, and she nodded her head, wanting more than anything to believe that this was possible. But how could she tell herself that it never happened when a living, breathing reminder of her mistakes lay in a crib two doors over? 

Before long, her mother entered the room with Peggy’s sleeping son in her arms, and what was once a serene energy was replaced with a heavy tension as Katherine glared the man down. Don took this as his cue to leave, and held Peggy’s hand for a fleeting moment, placing a kiss to her soft skin before leaving the room. Her mother watched him go, glancing back and forth between the tiny boy in her arms and the only person to visit her daughter in the hospital. It was clear to Peggy that her mother was trying to solve the puzzle of her daughters “immaculate” conception but was wasting her time on two pieces that could never fit together. 

“Are you ready to hold him Peaches?” Katherine finally asked once Don was out of view, her attention and fake smile entirely focused upon her youngest daughter. It was obvious that her mother was trying her hardest not to rip her to shreds with words of disappointment while she was still in such a delicate condition, but this in itself weighed even heavier on Peggy’s heart. Her whole life she had been the perfect daughter, but in nine months she had torn her reputation to shreds and it was uncertain if her mother could ever look at her the same way again.

“No” was her simple response as she turned her attention away from the matriarch of her family. The concept of motherhood was too much for her to comprehend in that moment, and so pushing her child away was her only escape from the inevitable. She was only twenty-one and incapable of providing a child with everything it could need. First and foremost, it was impossible for her to even provide a father for her son because he was happily married to someone that wasn’t her, and she wasn’t prepared to destroy a marriage in order to force a family that didn’t belong together. She knew that her mother would support her if she chose to be a single mother, but that wasn’t part of her plan and she knew that her family would only convince her to leave work in order to focus on her son.

“Why not? You carried him for nine months, what’s another ten minutes?”

“I said no, Mother” she responded sternly, still refusing to look Katherine in the eye. The thought that she had grown him inside of her womb was still struggling to set in and she knew that holding him would only make this harder. 

She thought that it would be easier for them both if he didn’t exist. Without him she could continue to live in youthful bliss, not a care in the world as she climbed the business ladder to Copy Chief and fell in love along the way. With her, he would only live a dreadful life. She was young and unable to raise him properly. Of course, she had helped to care for her nephews in the past, but motherhood was completely different to being paid a dollar per hour to babysit for your sister and her husband when they needed a night away from the kids. Motherhood was a commitment to your child, it was making the decision to love them unconditionally and always put them first, but Peggy didn’t know if she could do that, at least not yet. 

Thankfully her mother didn’t push her too hard and gave up on forcing the tiny boy into her arms. Unfortunately, however, this did prompt her to allow a psychologist to speak with Peggy. She had been minding her own business when the man walked into the room. He wore an expensive looking suit and carried a clipboard in his big hands, there was also an unsettling bright smile on his lips as he approached her. 

“Hi Margaret, I’m Doctor Collins” he smiled and reached out a hand for her to shake. Peggy, however, simply glanced at his hand and turned away.

“My names Peggy”

“Alright, Peggy.” He paused for a moment before starting again, a tentativeness to his voice. “I wanted to speak to you about your pregnancy”

“What pregnancy?” As she spoke she turned to face him again, her forehead creasing into a frown and her arms crossing over her enlarged chest. Even with the physical evidence of a pregnancy, it was still impossible for her brain to comprehend that it had even happened. She remembered the birth so vividly, but before the stomach cramps she had no conceivable way of knowing that her son was in there.

“Are you telling me that you were never pregnant?” he asked, but she gave no response. “What about your son? You know that he is real, correct?”

“Yes.”

“So that must mean you were pregnant. Do you disagree?”

“I don’t know. I was on the pill, and I got my period regularly; I just couldn’t have been pregnant” She paused for a moment, allowing her sudden hysteria to dissipate. “I don’t understand what happened to me.”

“Were you having sex?” Peggy was grateful that her mother was absent, otherwise she couldn’t have answered this question truthfully, and she was already certain that they thought she was crazy. 

“Yes. But it only happened twice, and it was with the same man.”

“Did you use any other form of contraception other than the pill?” his questions kept coming and the more he asked, the more it began to sink in that maybe the tiny boy had been inside of her all along. It wasn’t crazy to believe so, but it was still difficult to understand. She had seen what Anita had been through with her sons, and her current condition was much more obvious than everything Peggy had been through. She thought that her sudden apatite had been caused by work related stress, and with her period occurring on time every single month she had no reason to believe that she was with child.

“Thank you for being so honest with me Peggy.” Were the last words he spoke before leaving the room. She could see him just outside the door, speaking with her mother, Anita and the Doctor. Not wanting to see the disappointment in her mother’s eyes, Peggy turned her attention to the bassinet that her nurse was wheeling in. The small boy inside wriggled about, his blue eyes wide open as he lay on his back. He was neatly swaddled in the same blue blanket she had seen earlier that day, and the addition of a tiny blue beanie brought an unexpected smile to Peggy’s face.

“Would you like to hold him now?” the nurse asked hopefully, and as Peggy slowly nodded in response, a bright smile grew on the woman’s lips. “Try to be careful and support his head”

“I know”

It felt like time had slowed as she watched the woman scoop him up into her arms and cross the room to hand him over, but once he was in her arms she felt her heart racing yet again. He was her child, but he looked just like his father. With a head full of dark hair that lightly curled at the tips, all he had that reflected his mother were his big, round eyes that glistened in the fluorescent light that surrounded them. As she stared into those beautiful eyes she found her heart willing to do anything to protect the tiny boy whose arms reached out in a big stretch, breaking free from the swaddle. He was so small and fragile, and she couldn’t imagine anyone but her caring for him in what she hoped to be a long, happy life. She created him and so it was her duty to always love him.

Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for her family and Doctor to enter the room and disturb the tranquillity that had overcome Peggy and her son. There was a look of concern in their eyes, causing her to wonder what had been said in the hallway. But before she could question them, her Doctor was removing the boy from her arms and placing him back in the bassinet, whispering words that she could not hear to a now concerned nurse who immediately took her son from the room.

“What’s going on?” she asked, but still, no answer was provided as the doctor and an unknown nurse grabbed her wrists and began to strap her tightly to the bed. “Ma, what’s happening?” she began to cry, completely hysterical. She was unable to move her arms and could only kick her legs hopelessly as they began to strap them down as well.

“I’m sorry Peaches” her mother cried as well before turning to leave the room, completely distraught at the sight of her restrained daughter.

Once she was calm her doctor explained that she had a psychological disorder known as Cryptic Pregnancy. This was something she had never heard of before, but it didn’t sound so crazy that she had to be tied down. Later, while she had tranquilizers coursing through her veins to prevent further panic attacks, it was explained that her mother had signed her over to the state, believing she was in no capacity to make her own choices. She asked about her son, and if he would stay with her family until she was deemed fit to re-join society, but was only met with silence. They eventually told her that it was believed Cryptic Pregnancy wasn’t their only concern, and they worried that she might be battling other mental illnesses and it was too risky to place a child into her care. Immediately, she knew what this meant. She knew that they were making the decision for her and they were taking away her son. For a fleeting moment it was a relief, but then she began to cry, and she never stopped crying for the rest of her life because she never saw him again.


End file.
